Dear Agnes,
Lately it feels like my mind is always somewhere other than inside my body. My brain is constantly jumping to the next task, the next week, the next crisis. It get's really annoying during family time, which I love. When we're together, I’m mentally someplace less, drafting to-do lists in my head at the least. I don’t want to live on this mental fast-forward anymore, especially when I am around my people. How do I learn to slow this down and stay connected to what is actually happening right in front of me?
Warmly,
Future Tripping Fixer
Dear Fixer,
Thank you for naming this so honestly. Numerous people live this same pattern in silence, feeling ashamed of a mind that will not settle. You are not alone in this. I see you and hear you.
You are not losing your ability to stay in the present moment because you are weak or unfocused.
You are losing it because your mind is, metaphorically speaking, inflamed. And your mind is inflamed, because it has been trained to cognitively sprint. I would guess It's a pattern shaped by the wider culture you are immersed in, where constant anticipation is rewarded and stillness is rarely taught.
The pattern "thinks" this mental speed and futurizing will "save" you. It thinks that "being proactive" (in other words, vigilant) will create a sense of security. So it runs, runs, runs. Even at the dinner table.
First things first: it's so great that you are noticing what's happening. With that awareness, things can change. Every time you catch yourself not being fully present, here you are, returning to the current moment!
Second, this is so natural. We all do it to some degree, and during certain times the inflammation is full-on.
So what to do? Reduce the inflammation.
Presence is a state. It starts with a conscious choice you make with your body. Thought will always try to outrun the moment. Your body, however, knows how to stay.
So you train the mind to quiet the mind by redirecting its attention to the physicality of where you are now:
For example, when you sit down with your family, drop your attention into one physical sensation. Feet on the ground. Fork in your hand. Then you look up and look around the table. (Phone is stored away).
Simple. Concrete. Immediate. You are interrupting the mind’s habit of racing ahead by giving it something real and tangible to anchor to.
In other words, you
Slow
It
Down
One bite. One sip. One look at someone you love. Again and again.
The inflammation starts to cool off, especially if you back it up with conscious breathing.
Then notice when you drift. No judgment. It will happen. Just bring yourself back again. This positive repetition is how your nervous system learns a new pattern.
Presence is practice.
You build it like a muscle. Moment by moment.
Presence is also personal power.
Every time you return to now, you choose yourself, and your loved ones.
As the holidays approach, and you get to enjoy more family time, keep practicing. Presence sharpens you, steadies you, and puts you back in charge of your own energy.
In loving support,
Agnes