Four days before this photo was taken, I wrote an email. It was authentic, and I meant every word. But the intention behind sending it was controlling. I desperately wanted a different outcome than what was showing up in my life. I wanted someone else to change their behavior. I hoped this, in turn, would influence another person, someone I deeply cared about, to change theirs. And somehow, if both of them shifted what they were doing, I thought I might finally feel better about the whole situation, and consequently about myself.
I am sitting on the rock, ruminating about the lack of a reply. My email is somewhere in a vacuum. I am pretending to have a connecting moment with the person taking the photo, but inside I feel anxious and stressed in the middle of glorious nature. The fast current beside me is encouraging me to let it all go, but in this photo I can't yet. I am still gripping.