I am back from a long trip. I have suitcases to unpack, emails to answer, laundry to do, work to catch up on, meetings to prep for, a newsletter to finish...
So naturally, I decided this was the perfect time for Scott and me to sort our household coasters.
We considered, with considerable seriousness, which coasters to keep, which to donate, and which style belonged in which area of the house.
Then I washed the coasters.
Apparently, when faced with a mountain of things that need doing, the nervous system sometimes votes for "organize the tiny colorful squares."
And maybe that is not entirely useless information. 🙂
Following is a piece from Scott, who happened to be my willing accomplice in this extremely important home decor project. His reflections on procrastination helped me think more expansively about what was happening in that moment. Not only the avoidance itself, but what happens next, when we notice it and decide what story to tell ourselves about it.
Procrastination Is a Lot of Things
By Scott Friedman
Procrastination is a lot of things.
Sometimes it is literally a lot of things: there is too much on my mind to find my lane and focus on anything. Which is overwhelm, really.
Sometimes it is resistance: I know this thing needs to get done, but I have mixed feelings about truly engaging with it, or I'm not fully aligned with the purpose it will serve.
Sometimes it is anxiety: I haven't yet figured out how to create or produce or complete this thing, and I'm running out of time to do so.
Procrastination, in this particular moment, involves me writing a piece on procrastination when I have a long list of other priorities calling for my attention.
It is at this juncture that the direction of the day can take shape. Not just what gets done and what doesn't get done, but rather the state of mind one experiences as the day unfolds (vs. unravels).
Thich Nhat Hanh was a major influence on interpreting mindfulness and Buddhist practices for the Western world. He famously teaches about the "Second Arrow". In this metaphor, the First Arrow represents the inevitable hardships and sufferings, whether minor or writ large, that life throws our way. There is simply no avoiding these, and there is nothing we personally did to incur these. The Second Arrow represents how we react to the First Arrow, including the story we tell ourselves about it. The Second Arrow is where we can make real choices that impact ourselves and those around us, and how the day goes.
When I become aware of procrastinating, it's all too easy to reactively see this is a long-familiar foe and judge myself for allowing it to happen once again. But in "foe", "judgement", "allowing" and "once again", I am already slinging a flurry of Second Arrows in my own direction.
I have a choice here.
I can watch this reactivity arise without hitching myself to it. I can notice this as a narrative, rather than as a truth or a matter of personal identity. And in noticing this as a narrative (nothing more), I can consider alternative narratives as well:
Writing is fun for me, and I will inevitably learn something in the course of reflecting out loud on this (or any) topic. There is value in fun, and there is value in learning.
Further, the act of writing, even if about a topic unrelated to one I'm procrastinating on, gets me warmed up and in the flow.
On a recent episode of "excellence, actually", a podcast I enjoy, the hosts discussed two other framings of procrastination. One that holds lifelong poignancy for me is that in my procrastination, it's not like I'm doing nothing: I am letting things percolate behind the scenes, entertaining ideas and vistas and avenues for expression. That I am not committing these to paper until later in my process is simply a matter of style. I know from years of experience that when I finally sit down to write, it'll all be there for me.
The second framing the hosts discussed is that if one is procrastinating, this also means they have not given up on the thing to be done. They are still engaged with it.
Does any of this actually help us stop procrastinating and get down to business? Well, yes! The Second Arrow of self-judgement typically ushers in additional feelings such as shame, self-blame, embarrassment, and frustration. When we are confronted with these, we may then make choices that only sabotage ourselves and our efforts further. If we are instead able to notice this narrative without attaching ourselves to it, we remain preserved and available to walk a different path.
Many of us treat procrastination as if it's a towering mountain in front of us. What's true of a mountain is also true of overcoming procrastination: it's a matter of putting one foot in front of the other, and then repeating. Framing the thing in front of us as end point we must arrive to keeps us in a state of apprehension. Framing it instead as something we only need to begin allows us to make the inertia shift that unlocks us.
Only start. Only just begin. And the steps start to walk themselves.