This week we continue our exploration of energy + attention budgeting. Inspired by Bill, we now apply it in real time.
1. Choose one specific interaction: lunch with a colleague, a date with your partner, coffee with a friend, dinner with family, time with your child. Do not overthink it. It's okay if you choose something ordinary and previously scheduled.
2. Before you enter the experience, decide: your phone will not come into the conversation with you. That means you will make sure that the device is:
- Not touching your body (so don't put it in you pocket, for example).
- Not visible (so don't put it face down on the table).
The phone can stay in your purse or backpack if you are on call for work or caregiving responsibilities. But if possible, place it fully out of reach. Leave it in the car, or put it in a drawer, or keep it in another room.
3. Notice what happens when you remove that device distraction.
I am currently reading Hyperfocus by Chris Bailey, who reminds us that attention is finite. Even when we are not looking at our phones, part of our mind remains on standby when the device is nearby. So we think we are present, but neurologically, we are divided. When you choose to leave the phone behind:
- You may feel restless.
- Feel the urge to reach for the device. Don't act on it; let it pass.
- Return your focus to the person in front of you.
4. Afterward, reflect:
Did the interaction feel lighter? Did you feel more grounded and available? Or was it uncomfortable? Were you annoyed? Or was it a mix?
5. If it does not go perfectly, do not abandon the experiment forever. Adjust and try again. It becomes easier the more often you practice.
Why this practice matters in many ways:
If you have an important conversation ahead of you, this is one simple way to favorably set the conditions and clear the air before a single word is spoken. Note that you can only clear the air on your side of the table. You may invite the other person to join you in the practice, but you cannot require it.