When something starts going sideways at work, especially in fast-moving projects with multiple individuals or teams involved, people naturally start trying to figure out what went wrong and who is responsible.
Who caused this?
Who missed something?
Who should fix it?
This is human. When stress rises, many of us instinctively move toward urgency, control, or self-protection. Unfortunately, that is also usually the moment collaboration starts breaking down, because even the most collaborative among us can subconsciously start looking for someone to blame, someone to correct, someone onto whom we can discharge our discomfort.
A simple practice you can use to interrupt the negative spiral starts with asking yourself a question:
“Am I working the issue, or am I working the person?”
Then get concrete.
Instead of:
- “Who dropped this?”
- “Why is this happening again?”
- “This always gets messed up.”
Shift toward:
- “What specifically needs attention right now?”
- “What is the next solvable step?”
- “What information is missing?”
- “Who needs support?”
This sounds simple because it is.
The goal is not to suppress frustration or pretend everything is fine. The goal is to stay regulated enough that your stress does not become another problem the team now has to manage.
A few grounded moves can help with the shift from unproductive blame to effective addressing of the issue: slow down, release physical tension, and give yourself enough space to think more clearly before responding.